If you can't find a man, settle for the government

Because bureaucracy is the best sugar daddy around. At least, this is the tactic conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly thinks unmarried women are taking (emphasis mine):

Conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly took aim at "unmarried women" at a recent fundraiser and in an interview with TPM, saying that they overwhelmingly support President Obama and are all on welfare. Democrats aim to exploit the comments to pressure the more than 60 Republican candidates who have earned Schlafly's endorsement.

"Unmarried women, 70% of unmarried women, voted for Obama, and this is because when you kick your husband out, you've got to have big brother government to be your provider," said Schlafly, president of Eagle Forum and infamous for her opposition to the Equal Rights Amendment.

A liberal organization recorded the Schlafly comments at a Troy, Michigan fundraiser Saturday for a Republican congressional candidate, the Detroit Free Press reported. In an interview with TPM this afternoon Schlafly stood by her comments and said Obama is trying to boost welfare rolls to help with his reelection and to help Democrats.

"Yes I said that. It's true, too. All welfare goes to unmarried moms," Schlafly told TPM. "They are trying to line up their constituency for Obama and Democrats against Republican candidates."

...My brain just exploded from all the stupid. Let's go through this step by step, since hearing those quotes has eroded my ability to form more complex paragraph structure.

1. Not all unmarried women are the result of women kicking their husbands out. Some husbands may have left on their own accord. Or, you know, there's that option where a woman never had a husband to begin with, but that would probably just blow Schlafly's mind. Have to take it slowly when we're dealing with the type of conservatives who go into shock every time a woman leaves the kitchen for a reason other than bringing her man a martini.

2. Regardless of the reason the woman is single, that does not mean a woman needs a provider. Seriously, did we hop in a time machine to the 1950s or something? Can someone let Schlafly know we're in the year 2010, where women are actually allowed to be educated and have careers? Apparently I'm doing something wrong because I haven't settled down yet. Well, I'm sure I do a lot of things wrong if we're using her standards.

3. The idea that all welfare goes to unmarried moms is simply false. Anyone ever hear of Social Security? Medicare? Unemployment benefits? This isn't a failure to fact check, it's either willful obliviousness or purposeful deception. You can guess which one I think is more likely.

4. Notice how she interchangeably uses "unmarried women" and "unmarried moms"? You mean women can actually not reproduce?! Inconceivable! Put those baby makers to use, like God intended! But don't expect any help from the government. That's just ludicrous.

I love my blog readers

...because you spent a whole post discussing whether dinosaurs and machine guns were contemporary. You guys win. Have some Axe Cop as a reward:...Why yes I'm saving up my "real" post ideas for blogathon. How did you guess?

This is why I never played a musical instrument

Because I would have sounded like this:

Oh Iran, the irony

The leader of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is apparently not a fan of Paul the Psychic Octopus (emphasis mine):

He claims that the octopus is a symbol of decadence and decay among "his enemies".

Paul, who lives at the Oberhausen Sea Life Centre, in Germany, won the hearts of the Spanish by predicting their World Cup victory.

He became an international star after predicting the outcome of all seven German World Cup matches accurately.

However, the Iranian president accused the octopus of spreading "western propaganda and superstition." Paul was mentioned by Mr Ahmadinejad on various occasions during a speech in Tehran at the weekend.

"Those who believe in this type of thing cannot be the leaders of the global nations that aspire, like Iran, to human perfection, basing themselves in the love of all sacred values," he said.

Wait, remind me again which country it was that had a cleric saying immodestly dressed women caused earthquakes? Oh, right, Iran. I mean, I was also a bit annoyed how the media popularized something superstitious like Paul, but I'm a bit annoyed at all superstitions. Apparently Ahmadinejad's thinking goes something more like:

Psychic octopus predicting World Cup winners = propaganda, superstition, decadence, and decay

Women causing murderous natural disasters because they dare to show their hair or ankle = human perfection

Right.

I should not be allowed to drive bloggers

I'm back from the Secular Student Alliance conference! I apologize again for the dearth of blog posts. I was itching to blog the whole time, but I didn't have the time or the internet access. Lucky for you that in just a couple days, I'll be pooping out 49 blog posts in a single day! Hopefully that will more than make up for my absence. But since I made the mistake of checking my email before flopping into bed, here's one funny story you get from the trip.

I have realized that I should not drive bloggers.

Not because I hate bloggers or I'm a horrible driver or something. God just hates atheist bloggers in transit, apparently. When I had to pick up PZ from the airport, his flight arrived horribly late and I felt like I was going to kill both of us speeding off to our event. When I had to drive Greta Christina to Chicago, it was during a nasty blizzard, where we passed many cars in ditches.

And now I had a driving adventure with Hemant.

Hemant was nice enough to pick up me and my friend Mark on his way to Columbus, OH since we're fairly close to him. Half way into the six hour drive we decided to switch so he could nap as a passenger, instead of behind the wheel. He pulls over and we trade places.

Me: Man, your side of the car is really hot.
Hemant: Huh, I was just going to say the same thing about your side.

A couple minutes go by and we realize the air conditioning magically broke right when we pulled over. Not the end of the world, but definitely unpleasant since it was in the 90s and humid. Thankfully we were all sweating like crazy, so I didn't have to worry about my individual stinkiness.

I drive for a bit more. Hemant's already sleeping.

Mark: Do you smell smoke?
Me: ...Yeah.

In retrospect this should have been a red flag, but it smelled so similar to cigarettes we thought we were just driving by a particularly stinky area. Eventually it goes away, and I figure I'll start to be worried if I see flames shoot out from under the hood.

We're all dying from the heat, but the zoo is in sight. We're just stuck waiting to turn at the light, and then we're in the parking lot. Except there's just one problem.

Me: Um, Hemant, nothing happens when I press the gas pedal.
Everyone: [insert explitives of your choice here]

Eventually after much restarting, the car decides to live again. I make it to the parking lot, trying not to ever come to a full stop. This was especially interesting when I needed to pay for parking and I'm trying to exchange money without coming to a full stop. We decide to just park the car, go to the zoo with the rest of the group, and deal with it later.

Dealing with it later = Realizing the car doesn't start at all.

Thankfully my friend Mike was there with his own car and called AAA for us. So we spent the rest of the afternoon following a tow truck and scheming how we could possibly get back to Chicago without Hemant's car. Eventually we found out his car could be fixed, and we were able to get back to Chicagoland in one piece.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about Hemant's wallet.

I'm starting to think this is compelling evidence for the existence of a God who hates atheist bloggers - not enough to strike them down, but just enough to annoy them with horrible driving experiences. Hopefully I never have to drive Richard Dawkins around - I can't imagine what major catastrophe would happen then.

Open thread

Instead of waking up early and preparing some blog entries to autopost, I decided to sleep an extra 45 minutes this morning. And by that I mean I slept through my alarm and ran through my house swearing as I frantically got ready to leave for Ohio.

So, open thread! Talk about whatever is on your mind, and feel free to shamelessly self promote.

I may or may not blog more while here - wifi doesn't work and I'm going to be super busy, so we'll see. Sorry guys, blogger fail.

Phil Plait's Bad Universe

How badass does that sound? Well, the trailer lives up to the badassery:



Geekgasm! So glad Discovery is adding another scientific/skeptical show to its lineup - something other than logging, fishing, or ghosts. Especially since astronomy was my first scientific love, so I have a soft spot for it in my heart. And even better that it features Phil Plait, who after meeting at TAM, I know I could definitely sit down and watch for hours.

...Because he's entertaining. Man, why does everything I say sound so creepy? Anyway, yay for his top secret project being revealed!

(Via Skepchick)