Comments on Blag Hag: How to Meet Atheist Women (and not scare them away...

Great blog! Now to find a date!

2011-11-09T15:32:03.888-08:00

Great blog! Now to find a date!

[re "nice guys"]"It's not becau...

2010-02-28T04:32:24.821-08:00

[re "nice guys"]"It's not because you're nice, it's because you're an insecure, whiny twit"
you're assuming cause and effect, that's most likely the reverse of what has occurred. why would some body "whine" about being ignored before experiencing being ignored?

the real reason is most likely that the guy is just uglier than most.

ah, the baby huffing jokes are too risky. but is i...

2010-02-28T04:24:57.305-08:00

ah, the baby huffing jokes are too risky. but is it ok to joke about eating babe ruths?

@ Julie: Ah, somebody sees where I'm coming f...

2009-12-24T10:44:00.001-08:00

@ Julie:

Ah, somebody sees where I'm coming from. I think that's what I was trying to say, but I'm generally pretty bad at wording things.

Good article. Maybe when I finally get out of my c...

2009-12-23T17:53:28.808-08:00

Good article. Maybe when I finally get out of my current 'shut in' phase, I'll actually put it to use.

And, as for the Schrodinger's Rapist thing, now that's got me feeling like a giant douchebag.

Prayer. Many people pray for things, and then the ...

2009-12-23T14:49:19.953-08:00

Prayer. Many people pray for things, and then the thing either does happen, or happens in an indirect sort of manner that they rationalize as the prayer having been answered. It's got as much predictability as astrology does, at least. Anecdotal evidence can be viewed as "personal" experiences having felt/heard/seen the presence of a god or angels, etc. The religious also think they have pictures that support their beliefs. The Shroud of Turin, for example, or the many effigies that "miraculously" appear in every day things.

What it comes down to is, I cannot respect someone I view as unintelligent. If a person actually believes in ghosts, then I cannot view them as a rational or highly intelligent person, and thus cannot fully respect them. While I can overlook this with friends and have a good time with them regardless, it simply would not work in a relationship.

Hi Julie: Actually what I meant was that supernat...

2009-12-23T10:57:41.998-08:00

Hi Julie: Actually what I meant was that supernatural beliefs seem to be held at a very superficial level for most people and need not neccesarily preclude a good relationship with non-believers.

I, for one, spend very little time thinking of things that I don't believe and find that conversations with my friends don't go there often either. There are just too many other more interesting ideas and topics out there. I also think that there are other reasons people believe in the supernatural than a lack of critical thinking. I have to think that most (definitly not all) people continue to carry those beliefs that they held in childhood because it gives them a continuity with their early self and because, to do so doesn't "cost" them very much. I think if there was a "cost", ridicule, ostracism, etc., many would abandon those beliefs.

Also, I disagree that religiousness is more rational than beliefs in UFOs, witches, astrology, etc.. Most of those things at least have some anecdotal evidence and even a predictive nature (I'm thinking of astrolgy with that last one.) We have pictures of ghosts and UFOs and one day I really did have a good day when the astrology column in the paper said I would. Give me a non-cognitve reason for a belief in a deity, or one natural event that that belief atempts to explain or predict. I can't think of one.

So, to sum up, I was simply suggesting that belief in the supernatural is not necessarily indicative of a shallow, non-thinking person. It may be that he or she hasn't spent, nor feels the need to spend, much time on the subject.

@Apropos of Nothing - Actually, if I were looking,...

2009-12-23T09:29:09.968-08:00

@Apropos of Nothing - Actually, if I were looking, I would seek out someone who didn't believe in UFOs, ESP, or other woo woo nonsense. It falls in the same category as religion for me. In fact, those things probably have an even higher level of irrationality associated with them. Because religion is at least understandable. It's endemic to our very natures to fear death, nothingness, etc. Every culture across the timeline of the human race has established a creation myth, gods, etc. So at least I can understand the motivation behind religion, if not the actual sentiment.

However, the tin foil hat crowd is truly worthy of contempt. If someone doesn't possess the most basic critical thinking skills to apply to belief in ghosts, for example, then it is impossible for them to separate that lack of logicality from other areas of their life without serious cognitive dissonance.

@Anonymous Please read my preceding comment as to...

2009-12-23T09:22:57.959-08:00

@Anonymous
Please read my preceding comment as to being in someone else's shoes. See how wrong you are.

Would it be discrimination to treat all black people as potential murderers? Even though they commit a far larger percentage of murders than their proportional representation in this country?

And if you start talking about people not reporting being raped then you need to provide some sources to back yourself up.
I like to adhere to the idea of human rights and assume innocent until proven guilty. So I dispute your claim that somone I know is a rapist.

If you need to see any of my sources do not hesitate to ask.

I feel like I should mention that "atheist sh...

2009-12-22T23:14:57.387-08:00

I feel like I should mention that "atheist should only date other atheists" was not something I had in mind while writing this post. Religious preference when dating is something everyone has to figure out for themselves. This is just advice for someone who thinks they'd be happier with a like-minded individual.

@mcbender said... "I couldn't love a reli...

2009-12-22T19:59:43.146-08:00

@mcbender said...
"I couldn't love a religious person..."
Wow. If I went along with this, I'd have to stop loving my parents.

Whilst I would prefer to have a relationship with another atheist, I'm open to having a relationship with a believer. However, I doubt I could do this with an active church going believer, or with someone who denies, say, the evidence for evolution. I'd have the same problem with someone who believes in astrology or other woo. I think I could love someone with all of these wacky views rolled into one. I just couldn't have a serious romantic relationship with them.

I'm also aware that there's not one of us who doesn't hold an irrational viewpoint in some aspect of their life. I'll bet there are atheists who smoke, and yet manage to blank from their minds the scientific evidence for the serious health consequences. Yet these same people would laugh at all the deluded theists who don't have an ounce of critical thought.

So it's not hard for me to see that someone can be very intelligent, and yet still hold strange beliefs. Because I bet we all do this at some point about something.

Why bother about "being an atheist" or l...

2009-12-22T19:03:38.737-08:00

Why bother about "being an atheist" or look foor fervent atheists ?. Just don't mention it as it isn't really important. If a girl is a strictly religious type there's little chance to meet or keep seeing eachother. None of my friends display their beliefs though some of them are budhist, christian, jew or muslim. I even wouldn't bother having a relationship with believing people, as long as they keep it sereen and to themselves.

Jen, Regarding the inane comments on reddit, I ho...

2009-12-22T17:56:32.466-08:00

Jen,

Regarding the inane comments on reddit, I hope you're seeing them for what they are? Comments like those (and a few here) are made by bitter virgins-for-life who need to make themselves feel better about their pathetic lives. No reasonably balanced individual would feel the need to say something like that, unless they're compensating for their own inadequacies.

Personally, I'd not bother interacting with the virgin-in-parents-basement contingent on digg and reddit. Which I suspect makes up a substantial proportion of the population.

Don

@An Idle Dad: I have to disagree with you, althoug...

2009-12-22T17:53:26.258-08:00

@An Idle Dad:
I have to disagree with you, although perhaps I'm only expressing a personal preference here. I couldn't love a religious person because the mindset required in order to have a religious worldview is completely antithetical to my own.

On other issues (Star Trek, food preferences, etc), which I agree can be irrational, I have no problem respecting alternative points of view. Because those issues are by definition meaningless, I couldn't care less what somebody espouses.

When it comes to issues such as politics, environmentalism, how to raise children, etc - which have real consequences - I can respect alternative points of view because there are potential justifications for them, and we can have a healthy discussion or argument about them (regardless of whether or not anybody ends up convincing the other). Those issues genuinely matter, and while I'd say it's good to have a partner who agrees on them I don't think that's a necessity.

When it comes to religion, however, I personally have to put my foot down. These are unjustified and unjustifiable beliefs, and they colour everything else that the person holding them says or does.

I have nothing against certain aspects of religion (I consider myself a cultural Jew and observe the holidays for cultural and family solidarity, although naturally I don't believe any of the supernaturalistic nonsense), and would have no problem with somebody who uses a religious label for that reason... but anything further, whether it's wish-thinking or something else, is too much. Maybe all this says is that I'm intolerant. But I personally think that being sincerely religious is an indicator of certain other qualities of a person's thought processes; qualities which I consider undesirable.

Plenty of people have come out of religion, no matter how far in they may have been (see Dan Barker, etc) and I have a great deal of respect for such people: those thought processes are not necessarily permanent. I'd have no problem entertaining romantic feelings for somebody who used to be religious - but I can't see doing so prior to that point.

Again, perhaps I impute too much significance to this one thing, but it really is a deal-breaker for me. I don't think religion is anything like a mere difference of opinion on something like politics or Star Trek.

@jugglingbuffoon Spoken by someone who is clearly ...

2009-12-22T17:39:06.310-08:00

@jugglingbuffoon
Spoken by someone who is clearly part of the population that has a vanishingly small chance of being raped. You do know that there's no stereotypical rapist don't you? And given the number of women who don't report rapes, you almost certainly know a rapist. Someone who you'd never have imagined as one.

Don't you have the ability to step into someone else's shoes and see it from their point of view? If you read the article properly, all of these points were made, and made well. As a male, I have no problem with a women who starts with this assumption, because truly, how the hell can she know? Taking it from a cold statistics and scientific viewpoint, the attitude makes perfect sense.

yeah the paranoia from reading the schrodginger...

2009-12-22T16:48:28.564-08:00

yeah the paranoia from reading the schrodginger's rapist blog post and last bus home didn't do me any good...some drunk guy moved from the back of the bus to next to me half way through the journey because I moved away from the bus stop earlier because of the before mentioned paranoia.

@mcbender You have no irrational beliefs? Perhaps ...

2009-12-22T16:05:48.343-08:00

@mcbender
You have no irrational beliefs? Perhaps you like Star Trek a real, real lot and believe it is a quality program. I happen to love playing the ukulele and believe it to be completely awesome, my wife regards it more sceptically.

The point is, on issues that really, genuinely matter, we agree. Like how to raise kids, like financial responsibility, like light pro-enviornmentalism, what constitutes a good holiday, or a good meal.

Religion, frankly, doesn't really matter compared to the above. How will your rational thinking handle a disagreement on what a good meal is? Sweet FA.

Just because I'm right, and God doesn't exist doesn't mean I can't love a Mormon, and that she can't love me.

and some people with a religion will respect your ...

2009-12-22T15:25:08.604-08:00

and some people with a religion will respect your beliefs if you respect theirs.

@Amanda First of all, my name is jugglingbuffoon. ...

2009-12-22T15:09:55.349-08:00

@Amanda
First of all, my name is jugglingbuffoon. As in an ignoramus who juggles.

Now that we have that out of the way I would like to address your points. Everyone must earn my trust (save family) and I have no problem with you having the same system. But there is a definite problem with treating all men as rapists.

People should not have to prove themselves to you to get a basic measure of respect. Pretty much the most basic in fact. You are saying before you meet someone "You are the lowest of the low, I have no respect for you and if the state acted like I do then you would be locked up." There is a level of basic human decency wherein you do not automatically assume that someone will assault you when meeting them. You seem to lack this.

I also have no idea why you wrote the last sentence of your comment. I also find that insulting and have never treated a woman like you are implying.

I'm sorry if I am a bit harsh. But this really bothers me. The right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty remains one of the fundamental tenets of our human rights. And to see someone just ignoring it. Not to mention the discrimination so apparent in your statements.

Lastly, I know that I said that I do date religious people but I must draw the line somewhere. And over that line is sexism. It is sad to see someone here who so brazenly crosses it.

@Anonymous @12:42: Are you a Poe? You had better be.

With respect to the "don't rule out non-a...

2009-12-22T14:53:09.652-08:00

With respect to the "don't rule out non-atheists" point... I have to respectfully disagree with that one.

Agnostics, of course, I have no problem with, but deists are a bit more iffy... believers in New Age woo or 'spirituality', absolutely not. Explicitly religious people, absolutely not.

I don't know about you, but I can't date people whom I can't respect. Rational thinking is a necessary condition for that. I don't particularly care what she calls herself - by no means does somebody have to call him or herself an atheist in order to be one - but it'd be difficult to convince me to disregard the issue entirely.

As to the point regarding such people eventually becoming atheists... well, if they spend time around me and it eventually happens, then maybe I'll consider dating them, but not before.

Oh, an Anonymous (or Atheist men) at 1:06 is a ver...

2009-12-22T14:46:01.785-08:00

Oh, an Anonymous (or Atheist men) at 1:06 is a very, very fascinating loser. Good luck with Seven of Nine, dude.
And Amanda at 1:48pm, I find your comments troubling and frankly, offensive. You treat all men as potential rapists? You must be freaked out a lot and view the world at large in a way I can't imagine.

Between the two of you, hopefully you'll mature your views as life goes on.

As an Atheist married to a Morman, let me say it w...

2009-12-22T14:38:42.693-08:00

As an Atheist married to a Morman, let me say it was nice to see the last point.
Most of the time, religion doesn't really matter. Relax.

I was going to post a long, well reasoned, argumen...

2009-12-22T13:18:06.147-08:00

I was going to post a long, well reasoned, argument that the premises that if you are a non-believer you should seek out other non-believers to bond with is not necessarily true. It had something to do with the logical progression of...believer to agnostic to atheist to just plain uninterested in the question. After all, when we discard beliefs, especially those from childhood, we don't really spend much time on them. And most believers that I know just don't dwell on their belief in the supernatural that much unless you ask them about it. You don't go looking for other people who don't believe in astrology, ghosts, esp, ufos, etc.. If you do meet someone with those beliefs, it's simply kind of curious, isn't it? But, having enjoyed your blog for awhile I was taken aback by the post of anon@1:06 who felt the need to make a personal attack on someone he doesn't know and who has done nothing to him except share her rather interesting ideas about a wide range of subjects. I, of course, don't know him either, but, I do know something about him. He lacks class and I hope that he grows into a man some day. It's not looking hopeful, though.

Have to be able to make a woman laugh, too. Histo...

2009-12-22T12:17:58.743-08:00

Have to be able to make a woman laugh, too. History's first IQ test. Why jokes aren't told in serious board meetings. "Dumb humor" is one of the most literally accurate phrases, imho.

Oh, one word of advice on BF management. The worst thing that women commonly do (to undercut their own situation), is to give in to a jerk to shut him up, but hang tough with a nice guy because he's nice. Basic bmod 101, but it happens so often.

Have to agree about stereotypes. They really bite you in the ass.

"Remember that women are people, not just mat...

2009-12-22T10:50:50.420-08:00

"Remember that women are people, not just mates"

*DING*DING*DING*DING*DING*DING* We have a winner.

And reading Schrödinger's Rapist certainly didn't make me feel better about myself. (How well does chemical castration work, and can it be bought over the counter?)

Part of the problem is antisocialness. Which leads to my crushing on friends, acquaintances and colleagues. I fear I've been in denial about how unpleasant it must be to be on the receiving end. Thank you for the wakeup call.

Anon @1:06 PM, go stick it where the Sun don't shine. Sideways, preferably. And our esteemed hostess is indeed dating at the moment - you're not good at paying attention.