Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Apparently having sex means I'm weak and dependent

Sex negativity in the media no longer shocks me, but I have to say I'm surprised who it's coming from - Lady Gaga. Yep, apparently you can parade around mostly naked, dance around naked and make out with girls in your music videos, have songs about sex, but then still take the moral high road of abstinence.

The worse part is that it's one of those articles that starts off very nice, then kicks you when you're not looking:

The 24-year-old singer who's made a career with songs that glorify carnal pleasures told London's that she is currently under a self-imposed sex ban and that others should consider a similar posture.

"I can't believe I'm saying this — don't have sex. I'm single right now and I've chosen to be single because I don't have the time to get to know anybody," she said while visiting England to help promote MAC's Viva Glam campaign, which supports global HIV and AIDS projects. "So it's OK not to have sex, it's OK to get to know people. I'm celibate, celibacy's fine."

Gaga said her celibacy is something she wants to "celebrate" with her fans, extending her oft-repeated message to her "little monsters" that they should be secure in their own skin and not shy away from being different.

"It's OK to be whomever it is that you want to be," she said. "You don't have to have sex to feel good about yourself, and if you're not ready, don't do it. And if you are ready, there are free condoms given away at my concerts when you're leaving!
Okay, that's totally fine. In fact, I agree. You shouldn't be forced or pressured to have sex if you don't want to. You should take measures to avoid disease, and one way is abstinence - if you actually follow it. Many people fail, but at least Lady Gaga is reasonable and pro-contraception. And while I don't think everyone has to do this, I personally think it's a good idea to get to know someone before doing the deed. You don't need to be soulmates, but at least know the person isn't a stalker or serial killer.

But then, it rapidly goes downhill:
"I remember the cool girls when I was growing up. Everyone started to have sex. But it's not really cool anymore to have sex all the time. It's cooler to be strong and independent."
...Fuck you, Lady Gaga.

Abstaining from sex does not automatically make you strong and independent, nor (as the quote implies) does having sex make you weak and dependent. You know what makes you strong and independent? Being able to make whatever goddamn choice you want about your own sexuality. Being pressured into abstinence because God or a pop idol told you does not make you strong or independent.

Oh, and kudos on the slut shaming. Having sex all the time isn't cool. You know what? I have sex all the time because I like having sex. In fact, I wish I got more sex. I'm not trying to impress anyone or conform to societal norms; I just like fucking every once in a while. What a shame that you don't understand that concept - the sex you did have must not have been that fulfilling if you were just doing it to fit in.

The ultimate irony is that she says you shouldn't have sex to try to be cool and fit in...but then argues that it's cooler to not have sex, thus using the same sort of peer pressure. Wonderful logic.

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