Friday, May 22, 2009

Yay hospitals

So I finally broke down and went to the hospital today. If you know me well, you know I have to be feeling pretty horrible to actually go to the doctor. I was raised by the "unless you're dying, just suck it up" method, which was fine because I was never really seriously ill as a kid (just colds and such). But once my fever hit 103 and I was continuously hacking up a lung, I thought it may be smart to go. My friend was nice enough to drive me there as I tried not to cough all over him.

While I got in almost immediately, it ended up taking almost 3 hours. Twice I sat alone in the room for 40 minutes just waiting for the next test. I wondered if they had forgotten about me a couple times, and how long a normal person would wait before wandering out into the hallway. It went oddly fast to me since I think I ended up microsleeping a bit, but I felt bad for my friend sitting out in the waiting room. I really hoped he had brought something to do.

Him: Don't worry, I got through a lot of my book. I thought it might take a while for you to get in.
Me: Well that's good. What are you reading?
Him: ...Twilight.
Me: Nooooooooooooooo my sickness has enabled someone to read Twilight!!!

A lot of things about hospitals are kind of ridiculous. The first time I coughed they slapped one of those flu masks on me. I felt like I was in some weird post apocalyptic movie or something. I asked one of the nurses if they were standard or just for the swine flu scare, and she said they do them during flu season but they were specifically doing them for swine flu now. As cool as it would be to say you survived swine flu, I was kind of hoping it wasn't that.

They also wanted to do a chest x-ray (to make sure I hadn't literally coughed up a lung, I suppose) and they wanted to wheel me out on a bed to the x-ray room. A little odd, I thought, since I'm feverish and coughing but I can still, you know, walk, but whatever. Maybe that's just hospital protocol. So I hop on for the ride...and the x-ray room is literally across the hall. Really? Was that necessary? Though my favorite thing about being female and going to the doctor is how they ask you if you're pregnant a thousand times.

X-Ray lady: Is there any chance you may be pregnant?
Me: Probably not
X-Ray lady: Probably not? Here they marked you as "no."
Me: Well she asked if I was on birth control, and I am.
X-Ray lady: *not amused* ...Well we can do a quick pregnancy test to make sure. Do you want to?
Me, What I Wanted to Say: Honestly, it's highly unlikely that I'm pregnant. Yes, it's theoretically possible even with birth control, but you know what? If I was, I would without a doubt abort that thing. So x-ray away, you'll just be helping me out.
Me, What I Actually Said: Nah, I think I'm fine.

It's probably a good thing that she couldn't see me smirking under my flu mask.

Three hours and many (probably expensive) tests later, the nurse tells me "It's just (just?) bronchitis." You know, you think they would have just guessed that when I walked in coughing and feverish, and immediately told them that my friend had bronchitis. Sigh. Oh well. I'm still hacking to death, but now I have a slew of drugs that will hopefully kick in soon. Mmm tylenol with codeine. Maybe I'll actually be able to sleep tonight.


  1. I hope you feel better soon! Oh, and there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with reading Twilight. Even if it is written by a Morman :)

  2. Sure, there is nothing wrong with reading a book written by a mormon, even if she puts mormon ideals blatantly into the story. However, there is something wrong with reading a book with a horrible writing style and very weak plot, i.e. Twilight. No offense intended.

  3. I've never had bronchitis, so I'm can't exactly empathize...but if it's not allowing you to sleep, you have a fever that's inching ever so close to permanent brain damage and your sputum looks like lung tissue...all I can say is: hopefully you recover soon!

    By the way, I absolutely love that you wouldn't have any doubts aborting an unwanted clump of cells. I wish more people were as uninhibited as you are.

  4. Hm...clump of cells...that might be a bit inflammatory, pretty nondescript and way too general. I guess fetus works.

    Let me redo:

    By the way, I absolutely love that you wouldn't have any doubts aborting an unwanted fetus.

  5. No way to tell bronchitis from pneumonia w/o a CXR.

    The former, you just hafta suck it up while getting through it -- and you can only very rarely die from it. :-)

    The latter, you can more commonly -- tho still rarely -- die from. And you can actually treat that one.

    Better to have "coarse interstitial markings centrally likely representing viral vs reactive airway disease" than have "scattered patchy alveolar infiltrates" or even "frank consolidation of the right middle lobe with air bronchograms".

    But now I'm just showing off. :D

  6. Feel better soon! The Internet just isn't the same without you.

    Also, I'm pretty sure that if the X-rays don't kill the embryo, it gets superpowers. I mean, isn't that how X-rays work?

  7. Destroy the flu so that you can mock Twilight into oblivion!