Thursday, May 14, 2009

An uncontroversial atheist ad?

You know, maybe we're being too hard on all the bus companies in Indiana who keep rejecting the Indiana Atheist Bus Campaign's ad, "You Can Be Good Without God." I mean, who are we kidding? That's pretty controversial! Plenty of people think that concept is ludicrous, and an outright lie. We all know the only reason Christians don't go around killing, raping, and stealing is because of the reward of heaven and the threat of hell. Ask any Christian what they would do if they were suddenly certain that their was no God, and I'm sure they'll confidently state that they'll go on a murderous rampage and take part in drunken orgies (two of the favorite past times of atheists).

That in mind, I figured I'd try to help the bus campaign out by coming up with some uncontroversial advertisement.

"This is What Atheists Look Like (insert photo of smiling family)" Woah, way too scare-tacticy there. Atheists can be anywhere and look like normal people while secretly sacrificing goats in their basement? But who will we know to discriminate against?!

"Atheists Are Human Too" Oh wait, apparently Cardinal Cormack Murphy O'Connor thinks atheists are "not fully human" because religion is a human universal. Scratch that idea.

"Atheists Don't Eat Babies" Well, we know that's an outright lie, so that'll never fly.

"Atheists Exist" Hmmm, well, not exactly. I mean, atheists really believe in God, they just hate him, right? And all atheists will repent on their death bed, so they eventually won't be atheists anymore. And how does that little saying go? Atheists don't believe in God, so God doesn't believe in atheists? Oh ho ho, so clever!

"Look, We Don't Want to Convert Religious People, We Just Want Other Atheists to Know That They're Not Alone so Stop Freaking Out" But atheists are alone because they have God shaped hole in their heart! They're lacking Jesus! Actually, this ad is still offensive - I bet those atheists are trying to trick you into converting by getting your guard down!

Hmmm, well I'm running out of ideas now, but I'm sure we'll eventually come up with an ad that's not controversial. How about "Atheists are Ignorant Deluded Curmudgeons Bent on Sending Your Children to Hell"? That's not a controversial message in the US, so it's obviously okay to stick on a bus. Because what matters more - saying the truth, or trying not to offend people?


  1. They could probably simplify their policy a lot by just disallowing any ads that don't sell something or point to a service. Anything promoting an ideology is bound to be controversial in some sense.

  2. We don't do the drunken orgies? Shit. Why did I give up part of my humanity if I don't even get to have drunken orgies? Right. I hereby accept Jesus as my personal savior.

  3. "Athiests: Thinking Rationaly Since Time Began*

    6000 years ago, praise Jesus!!"

  4. This is my first visit to your blog, and I found you through Carnival of the Godless 117. Needless to say, I like what I'm seeing and am subscribing to your RSS feed. Keep up the good reality-based blogging!

  5. Great post.

    I think eventually we'll have to use the ad:
    "We're going to offend you no matter what we say so, F*&K YOU" followed by the single most offensive image towards religion (maybe Jesus and Muhammad making out while the devil marries 'em - would be a fun image to see).