Friday, April 24, 2009

Pepsi: Funding the evil Homosexual Agenda

I always knew there was a reason why I prefer Pepsi over Coke.

The American Family Association (which you know must be awesome because it has "Family" in its name and has a big Jesus fish behind its logo) is organizing a boycott of PepsiCo. Why? Because Pepsi is supporting the evil homosexual agenda! What sort of vile things has Pepsi done? From
  • Pepsi gave a total of $1,000,000 to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) to promote the homosexual lifestyle in the workplace.
  • Both HRC and PFLAG supported efforts in California to defeat Proposition 8 which defined marriage as being between a man and a woman. HRC, which received $500,000 from Pepsi, gave $2.3 million to defeat Proposition 8.
  • Pepsi requires employees to attend sexual orientation and gender diversity training where the employees are taught to accept homosexuality.
  • Pepsi is a member of the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.
Oh no! The horror! How disgusting! Why, pretty soon Pepsi will be injecting its products with soy (which obviously makes you gay), and it'll be the Gaypocalypse!

You don't believe me? Look at these horrible, horrible commercials and shows Pepsi are supporting:

See, Pepsi turned him gay! Noooooooo!

It's perfectly fine for three dozen women to drool over a hot guy, but once you add a single guy from Queer Eye it becomes the work of the devil!

And there's not even any Pepsi in the next one, it's just a show they sponsor:

Oh, heaven forbid, two guys making out, funny awkward discussion about sex. I've never seen that with a heterosexual couple on a tv show!

Well, I really must be doomed. I've drank so much Pepsi over the years that I must just be ready to burst at the seems with gayness. Sorry guys, but after I finish the 2 liter in my fridge, I'm going for the boobies only.


  1. Awesome. I need caffeine: time to buy a Pepsi!

  2. I'm usually a coke drinker, but I may have to convert!

  3. Oh dear. Once I got to college, I started drinking exclusively Pepsi unless I was mixing something.

    This explains everything!

  4. I'm a Coke girl myself, but I may have to find a Pepsi product I like to support them now... (Also, I met the CEO of Pepsi Co. a couple of years back - she was our keynote speaker and awesome, too.)

  5. This might be our favorite conservative protest because it inspired our Right Wing Hunger Strike series. We like to imagine some smug homophobe in the supermarket choosing Coke, and then going on to fill up their cart with Doritos, Lays, Gatorade, Cap'n Crunch, Tropicana juice, Quaker oatmeal...

  6. WAAAAHHHH!!! Boo hoo! FRC doesn't agree with homosexuality WAAAHHHH!!!

    Cry me a freaking river already, you big cry baby! A company has every right to choose who they want to support. Don't like it, get over it. Welcome to the world of freedom of association & freedom of choice.